Demons and Ghosts

Nov 19 | Tony | No Comments |

For fathers who grew up in less than hospitable environments, it can be an enormous challenge to be the kind of parent we strive to be.

The giant hurdle (and the white elephant most often in the room) is that in trying to parent kids, a father is constantly re-parenting himself at each and every developmental stage. As long as your kids are growing and becoming, the work is never done. This father must manage information bubbling up from two parallel systems: (1) his child (or children), and  (2) his own past.

These two systems are always running in tandem. At any time, either or both can trigger strong emotions. Conflicting and confusing messages and intense feelings can arise, as well. These are often shrouded in the shadows of the past, or are muddled in fears about the future. For a father on the front lines who is trying to be an engaged dad, these internal stirrings are a lot to manage.

In effect, this father has to wrestle with his own demons, and he must make some peace with the ghosts that try to haunt him at each child’s new developmental stage.

For a father, this is not easy work. Exorcism and divination. Any father who is even half awake knows a little bit about his demons and ghosts. The Journey Toward Deep Fatherhood, which starts out being traveled in the now with a eye toward the future, most assuredly drags us into the past.